Things I never imagined I would do.

Things I never imagined I would do:

1. Get divorced.

2. Have to endure the dating apps.

3. Date in my 50s.

4. Have a boyfriend in this century.

In the absence of solid facts, we make up stories. For instance, I did not accurately predict the future or the reality of my life. So, I painted a portrait of what I wanted it to be like. And I clung to that vision for as long as I could.

The Universe said: Best of luck 👍🏽

Solid fact: I love to weave a story. On a recent date night, I was sitting with my special friend (I do not know why I love calling him that. Absurd terms. Whatever.), waiting for dinner and we had the following conversation:

R: See that lady over there? She is so angry. It’s because she, Susan, just killed her husband. She’s had to take on gambling for supplemental income now that he’s gone.

Me: Well, you’re wrong. Her name is Eleanor. I’ve heard she’s mad because he left her alone with all the responsibilities of their property. She can barely make ends meet. She thought life would be easier without him.

[Editorial Note: We are watching Ozark, so this story tracks.]

R: But she killed him.

Me: I know, but she didn’t think it through. And now she’s at the bar, alone, drinking red wine, trying to figure out what’s next. She’s pissed about her lot in life. Anyone would be.

Then IRL Susan/ Eleanor moved down the bar to sit next to us.😳👀

R and I glanced at each other, and the stakes of this “story” we were creating suddenly got interesting. And without a word, we just kept going. He leaned over me and introduced himself because he wanted to know if he was right about her name.

Question: Was her name Susan or Eleanor?

Answer: It was Mae.

Solid Fact: One of my love languages is creating an improv fictitious story with another human.

Another solid fact. I love the reality of this relationship. Our date nights are one of my favorite things. I could not make this story up if I tried. Perfectly natural. Perfectly calm. Predictably unpredictable.

Let’s face it. When you transition from married to divorced to dating in your mid-life, you are going to need to make sense of it all.

Shortly after my divorce, I had to get honest about what I was going through. Once you break up, there’s no more processing with your partner. No more understanding. No more meaning making. It’s just solid facts. So I wrote about it.

Then I rekindled an unrequited love with a high school boyfriend.

Does anyone here remember the book I started writing about dating? My HS boyfriend was Chapter 1 and infamously nicknamed by my girlfriends, “Summer Lovin”. Yada yada yada. Many chapters later, the book has hit a pause.

Solid Facts: Suddenly, I’m living the story rather than imagining it or processing it. There is no chapter about the special friend I’m dating in my 50s, whom I met on a dating app in the 2000s. It is just a real love growing and a real life unfolding with an unspecified outcome.

Here’s the takeaway from years of writing to process the “Things I never imagined I would do”: Life happens and change happens, whether your situation is real or perceived. I didn’t before, but now I do have the ability to reconcile the two.

Solid Facts: Writing is a tool I use to live well.

Do you need help reconciling the life you imagined with the life you are living?

That’s what I do. I help women who are stuck get through the messy middle of life. Maybe your next step is to schedule a free brainstorming session with me to start the process of getting unstuck. You can do that here👇🏼

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