Move your body to move your mind.

I used to feel trapped inside my body, and I was full of shame about it.

It was a recipe for doom.

I started with the limiting belief that I was not able, coupled with the limiting belief that I was not good enough, and added the limiting belief that I was not worth more.

Which led to the over consumption of processed food, inactivity and a routinely sedentary lifestyle.

Cue hormonal imbalance + depression + anxiety + lack of sleep + stress.

Then frost that cupcake with chronic inflammation contributing to my diagnosed heart and thyroid conditions, with the other underlying undiagnosed goodies sprinkled on top.

Bake at 350.

I did not want to move. There was nothing anyone could say that would make me think spending time or effort to move my body would make my life better. Not even love from those around me. Not even wisdom from the smartest humans I know.

And “people” told me over and over that I should love the body I’m in. To accept it for what it is - limitations and all. That I should stop fat shaming myself. Stop focusing on weight. Treat the pain with meds. And work on loving myself. But how?

Then there was the literal break in my back. That time when I hit the earth and my body shattered into pieces and I laid in the hospital and then on the couch crying for weeks. My neurosurgeon told me to spend the rest of my life not taking risks with my body. My chiropractor told me to get off the couch and start walking and building muscle because that’s what makes strong bones. Scientific facts.

Then I spent some money to repair the wall of my stomach which was ripped open during pregnancy, which gave me some core strength and a bit of confidence.

Then I started to balance my hormones in all the ways I could learn how to do that - supplements, herbs, nutrition, hydration, movement, etc. And my energy came back, and my sleep cycle started to improve, and I started to feel happy again.

Then I managed my stress in healthy ways and I felt a sense of pride in my work, but without overworking or overwhelm.

I watched a video (on repeat) of one of my high school students giving a talk about ability and how it was the last blatant form of segregation. And I thought, shit. I can move this body. And now I want to because I am so privileged, it would be a waste to squander my able-ness.

I started walking. Then skiing. Hiking. Still no running or riding horses. I danced with my friends at a group fitness class. And then there was sex, everyone. (just being real). I cannot tell you how much of my shame was wrapped up in the nonsense I was taught about sexuality in my childhood. If nothing else in this lifetime, learn to move your body in ways that feel joyful. The end.

So…I started losing fat and gaining muscle weight.

I hiked 117 miles in a row by myself.

I bought a bikini.

And one day I woke up and I was stretching in my bed and I looked at and felt the muscle in my legs. And my back didn’t hurt because the inflammation in my body was gone. And I heard myself saying over and over in my mind - I love you. Just like I used to wake up and tell my husband - but there was no one next to me. And I realized it was always only me. And the words rang true. Finally.

After all those years of self-loathing, I could feel the love for my body and myself released. A movement of the mind, brought on by the movement of my body.

So I will tell you. If you are feeling trapped or stuck. The answer is this: Move your body to move your mind. Even if it feels counterintuitive. Even if your mind tells you it’s shameful. Move when you hate your body. Move when someone tells you to just accept its limitations.

Move how you can, where you are, with what you have. Move because it is the way to save your life. Especially when you feel trapped or stuck, or your mind says you shouldn’t. Move even when you don’t want to move.