I made a decision to go and I chose to leave some things behind, including my job. That’s scary on so many levels. I was truly afraid. I worried about losing friendships, income, status, MY HOUSE. Fear and scarcity tag teaming off each other messed with my mind. I questioned myself daily, “Who am I to think I deserve more than this?” And at the same time, “What kind of person could walk away from a good thing?” All I knew was that if I wanted to move beyond being stuck. At a desk. Dreaming about the life I wanted. I had to change my thinking.
My mind had been trained a certain way. Obviously. In order to change my circumstances I also had to change how and what I thought about them. Doing one thing well for many years, staying, was ok (fear). I mastered things I never thought possible (routine). I learned all I could so that I could hold on to what I had (scarcity). I achieved a type of success (compromise). Whatever success it was, it never seemed to matter in the ways I hoped. And I started to fail in other ways that seemed significant and inevitably soul crushing. A soul can only take so much, I’m told.
Finally I took the training wheels off my mind. And I imagined all the worst case scenarios, decided they were not likely, and started to plan for the best case scenarios. Life is not all or nothing. That’s the old thinking. The more rigid and finite our minds, the less opportunity allowed. The more faith, risk, and dreams we practice the better our chances are for happiness. no more was I willing to live a life based on fear, routine, scarcity and compromise. It was a “fixed mindset” kind of life and I am all about growing. (yes, I read Mindset).
I didn’t take a leap of faith. There was no safety net. I really planned and worked out what needed to happen. It was hard learning a new way of thinking. I’m still learning. I will always be learning. None of this happened overnight. It is a challenging process full of ups and downs. But it’s funny. I can’t imagine having the courage to move on without once being stuck. I will never go back, those doors are closed. I can dream about the future and actively pursue it. Opening doors all the way.
This post was originally published on the blog sweet pea and beans.