The Great Horned Owl hooting in the night sky keeps me company while I burn out my morning pages by star light. I’m working around some great magic that’s been locked away in the responsible part of myself. I know you know the responsible part, friend. It’s who you learned to be when you became the rule following, people pleaser – as did I. It’s the little girl who took on the weight of the world and called herself out for every stupid, embarrassing, little mistake she made. The girl who carried glue and tape in her pocket prepared for each worst case scenario. Oh, that girl. If I could, I would hold her tight and make her know she was not alone. Instead I write her out of the shadows and into the spotlight on the pages of my notebook.
The try hard, fix it, do more, be more life can only take us so far. Eventually the little girl has to grow up and face her disappointment and joys as an adult. It is just way easier to pretend to be grown up than to actually accomplish the task. To leave the sadness and pain out of the story would dull the happiness and joy. But there’s been so much sadness lately, so let me tell you about the joy. The gratitude for the life I have. I helped to raise a girl not my own. She was my responsibility, and I her servant. Many days I wondered if I was in over my head. I was not clear on how to be of use to her. Twenty some years later, she asks me to help her give back. Today she starts her life’s work with a servant’s heart. With compassion for others and selfless motives.
Letting a girl go into the world is bittersweet. For our own selfish reasons we hold on to her tightly. watching her grow up can be painful. We’ve been a part of the story once before and it’s a page turner, nonetheless. Our hearts ache for her; our hearts ache for the little girl inside ourselves. Letting her know that no matter what. She is not alone. In the joy. In the disappointment. That’s the real good part. We are all in this together. Growing and going and giving back.
This post was originally published on the blog sweet pea and beans.