KILLING YOUR DARLINGS

I’m in tears right now because I just remembered the nightmare I had last night.

That was the opening line in my morning pages journal this week.

In my dream, I was standing in a black cloud and I had a limited view of my surroundings. My boys were with me. They were playing, laughing, and talking behind me. I couldn’t see them, but I was hiking them across a steep ledge on a rock face. I was on a trail and it was safe. Right?

I looked down, and through my narrow view realized I had taken steps out onto a very narrow segment with a sheer drop-off to my left. All I could see was that I was going to have to reach to get across and maybe I would be able to pull them along.

I am IRL terrified of falling.

As I stretched out I realized there was no way I could make it. I had to stand there in that precarious position for a too-long minute, pondering. Looking ahead, looking behind. Crying. Scared. Thinking of my boys, only. Just the three of us.

As I paused, I noticed some things I hadn’t when my vision was clouded with fear. I saw that there was something to hold onto just to my right. All I had to do was lean in and keep my grip until I got safely across. It was, like, 3-5 steps. And there we were on the other side of the gap. Heading down the mountain.

Are you afraid to proceed - on the trail, in a personal situation, or with your writing?

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