In dark times, look for these five things...

The light.

Before leaving for the Colorado Trail, I faced the inevitable loss of one of my favorite humans. Most dear, Aunt B asked me to come to her. We laughed, and we cried, and we made arrangements. Then, she encouraged me to take the next step on my journey into the wilderness. When I touched down in Denver, her transition was complete. Mine is still in process.

Butterflies symbolize nature’s never-ending metamorphosis. Like a message from the universe, I saw them everywhere on the Trail. I couldn’t help but think of my aunt in a new form, showing me the way. The sun caught her wings and illuminated her transition between birth and life and death. Like a beacon of light, those tiny white butterflies helped me see how to move forward.

Looking on the bright side might not seem like a realistic next step for you…especially during dark times. I get that. But studies show that finding the silver lining can improve mental, physical, and emotional health. Here’s more to consider as you think about your next step forward:

Relationships.

Once a teacher, always a learner. A week ago, our community experienced a loss. Although we hadn’t spoken in years, this student’s death taught me something. Relationships are an important part of learning. They last far beyond knowledge or understanding - even after the classroom. Relationships are the catalysts for every change, transition, and transformation we will ever experience. I value them the most.

Reflect on your relationships. How are they? Do they bring light and clarity to your everyday existence? Do they leave you feeling drained and confused? Are there some you should tend to and others to let go of?

Gratitude.

Looking for the light doesn’t mean ignoring how you feel. Acknowledging and accepting your feelings is an important part of processing difficult times. Being positive as a way of negating your feelings can be toxic and unhealthy. Is that what you’re doing? Pretending everything is ok when your world seems to be falling apart? What do you feel right now? Name it and locate that feeling in your body.

Instead of positivity, try practicing gratitude and connecting with what you are thankful for despite how you feel in the moment. Gratitude, rather than positivity, can help you find a healthy balance amidst difficult emotions and experiences. This is your permission slip to feel two things at once. What is one real and true emotion you feel right now and also one thing you are grateful for?

Discomfort.

There are some paths in life we have to walk alone. Regardless of our situational similarities - birth, death, marriage, divorce, children, pets, etc. - how we process and manage the life we live is individual and unique. And there is nothing wrong with choosing your own path amidst discomfort. Each of us has an emotional bandwidth for ourselves and others. Emotional weight can be hard to carry.

How are you with soothing yourself? Not too long ago, I didn’t understand what self-care meant. Read that again. It’s true. A therapist asked me to list ten self-care tools. I knew one. Journaling. That question changed my life. I was keen on caring for others but had no clue how to care for myself. I was forced to learn new and healthy ways to survive difficult times - something I’m grateful for.

Can you think of 10 self-care tools? I would love to hear your favorite.

The next step.

Writing has been, for me, the most important tool for living; a lifeline between my head and heart - a way to make meaning. I have always been a writer, but the profession of writing led me to new relationships, integrative ways to manage my emotions, tools for thriving in dark times, and ways to sit with discomfort well.

If any of that sounds like something you could use as you transition or transform your life, I’m here for it. Are you curious about how to move forward and what to do next?

I have time on my schedule just for you. Grab a warm drink. Let’s chat.

I see you. I'm with you. I’m for you.