There are times when we want to connect and we can’t. I am a doer, and I want to fix things when life gets uncomfortable. Grieving for what could have been, grieving for the loss is almost unbearable. It’s in these impossibly sad moments we have to trust all stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end. When there is nothing actionable to do, and sitting in sadness is the only way forward, please know you are not alone. There is hope in the midst of despair.
I thought about grief as I was driving over a terrifyingly, snowy, mountain pass. I left my loved ones behind, and I wondered if I should attempt the drive. In fact, my husband said don’t go. I started with no end in sight. Very little sight at all. There was low visibility because the wind was blowing stronger than I’ve ever seen. I was worried about a lot of things I couldn’t pinpoint. I was afraid, but I knew that if I could make it to town I would be able to make a choice about whether to turn around or continue on.
That was how I handled all the parts of my trip home. There were treacherous points where turning back was not an option. There were points where I could not see ahead or behind. There was panic and a complete loss of control. I had to continue driving until I could see the lights at the bottom of the hill.
Grief is one of those terrifying feelings that everyone says you will get through. It’s hard to know whether to believe them or not, especially when grief feels like fear. It likes to get you all balled up inside worrying about the future or the past. The reality is that you have to go through terrible weather, terrible seasons, to get to the light. If you know nothing else, hear this: there is always light at the end of dark places. You don’t know when you will find it. You don’t know how you will find it. But may you have the strength to hear, you will find it.
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